A Simple Desultory Philippic

I been Norman Mailered, Maxwell Taylored

I been John O'Hara'd, McNamara'd

I been Rolling Stoned and Beatled till I'm blind

I been Ayn Randed, nearly branded communist

'Cause I'm left-handed

That's the hand I use, well, never mind

I been Phil Spectored, resurrected

I been Lou Adlered, Barry Sadlered

Well, I paid all the dues I want to pay

And I learned the truth from Lenny Bruce

And all of my wealth won't buy me health

So I smoke a pint of tea a day

I knew a man, his brain was so small

He couldn't think of nothing at all

Not the same as you and me

He doesn't dig poetry

He's so unhip, when you say Dylan

He thinks you're talkin' about Dylan Thomas

Whoever he was

The man ain't got no culture

But it's alright, ma, everybody must get stoned

I been Mick Jaggered, been silver daggered

Andy Warhol, won't you please come home?

I been mothered, fathered, aunt and uncled

Been Roy Haleed and Art Garfunkeled

I just discovered somebody's tapped my phone

(Folk rock)

(I've lost my harmonica, Albert)