Who Does Come up with This Stuff?

Who comes up with this stuff, I'd really like to know

"Break a leg" for good luck? That's a twisted kind of show

"Kick the bucket" when you're dying? That's a violent way to go

And "Bob's your uncle"? Well, maybe — but not in my bio

"Spill the beans" — oh darling, what a culinary crime

I'd rather keep my secrets safe than waste a can of thyme

"Let the cat out of the bag"? That's illegal, I suppose

Poor kitty's traumatized and now the whole town knows

It's raining cats and dogs, and pigs are learning flight

I've got a chip upon my shoulder and a frog stuck in my pipe

I bit a bullet yesterday, just to prove I'm tough

But pudding proved nothing — I've had quite enough!

"Under the weather"? I'm beneath the clouds of doom

"Hit the sack"? I punched my bed and got kicked out of my room

"Put lipstick on a pig"? She looked fabulous, to be fair

But still she oinked at me and ran off with my chair

They say "don't teach your granny how to suck an egg,"

But what if Granny's curious and asks you to explain?

And if "Elvis left the building," does that mean we're all dismissed?

I'm still waiting for the logic — did I miss a twist?

So next time someone tells me "Bob's your uncle," I'll just sigh

And ask them if their aunt's a llama and their goldfish learned to fly

These idioms are madness, they're nonsense wrapped in fluff

So I'll swing through this confusion — who comes up with this stuff?

Yeah, I'll swing through this confusion

Who does come up with this stuff?

They told me "bite the bullet" when I had to pay my dues

So I chewed on brass and cried — now I've got dental blues

"Throw in the towel"? I did — now my bathroom's a mess

And "burning the midnight oil" just wrecked my GPS

"Don't count your chickens" — but I've only got two

And frankly, they're rebellious and they never lay on cue

"Curiosity killed the cat"? That's a threat, not advice

I asked one simple question — now I'm banned from paradise

"Hit the nail on the head"? I tried, I missed, I bled

Then someone said "don't cry over spilled milk" — so I screamed instead