Mess with People

And you're out on the street and you're hungry

You go into a restaurant with this

And you put it in the bottom of a bowl of soup

And then you eat down to it

You say, "Ech! What's that?"

And you storm out

You say, "I'm not gonna pay for that!"

And you leave

Save you a lot of money

That little jewel will save you a lot of money

Little feeler sticking out the side of a sandwich

God, you say, eat half of it, say, "Look at that!"

Leave it

In the hands of an unscrupulous child

Can you imagine what you could do with

That in the lunchroom at your school?

You could put that in your Jell-O mold

God, you know

And some monitor or teacher's gonna come by and say

"Aah! What is that? What is that?"

You look at it and say, "Oh, it's a cockroach!"

You've got to mess with people

Day and night, you have to mess with people

You don't mess, you gotta mess with them

You know, they just kind of sink into a cryonic torpor

And they're never seen again

God, mess with 'em

I have my dice for people I don't like

Gypsy fortune-telling dice

I like everybody

Those people who know me know I try to

Get along with everybody, you know?

But over the summer I had some fairly serious heart problems

So I decided I couldn't afford to like everybody anymore, you know?

I went on a low social cholesterol diet

No more fatheads

And so I run into one of them, somebody I don't like

I say, "I'm gonna tell your fortune

With my gypsy fortune-telling dice"

And I roll the dice

And they're blank, there's no spots on 'em

They say, "God, I hate to tell you this

But you don't have any fortune

No future

That's it for you"

Ha ha ha

We were in the Grand Union Supermarket

Getting some food over by Greenwich or Cambridge, one or the other

With old Dorothea Brownell, Morrigan's godmother

Now this is education

The little kid was fussing at the checkout counter

Stuck in one of those baskets

It's the lights in those places make kids crazy

We all know that, don't we?

Well, and the kid was fussy

And the parents were ragging on the kid

And I know those kids, I've always known those kids

And they get them to laugh and the parents laugh

And the checkout person laughs

And everybody is feeling marginally better about the whole proposition

So I put on my nose

Morrigan started punching me in the side

He said, yelling at me, he said, "Why can't you be normal?"

And old Miss Brownell rapped Morrigan on her shin

Rudely with her cane and said, "He is normal

What you meant to say is average"

Yeah, that's education