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Gaston
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Who does she think she is?
That girl has tangled with the wrong man
No one says no to Gaston!
Hehe, darn right!
Dismissed, rejected, publicly humiliated!
Why, it's more than I can bear
More beer?
What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced!
Who, you? Never!
Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
No one's been like Gaston
A kingpin like Gaston
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
My, what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five hurrahs, give ten hip-hips!
Gaston is the best and the rest is just drips!
No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston
For there's no one as burly or brawny
As you see, I've got biceps to spare
Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny
That's right! And every last inch of me's covered with hair
No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston
I'm especially good at expectorating — ptooey!
Ten points for Gaston!
When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!