Grandma in Texas

Huh, now, I move from there fairly young and my cousins and relatives all stayed there

And I ended up growing up being quite a bit different than them

And my cousin Ray, who I told stories about the hunting story

But it's kind of weird because this is how different we are

He's a homophobe, I can't believe I'm not gay

That's how far apart we are on the food chain

Now, I'm not gay but look at these fucking shoes

Now, the reason I say that is who knows how things are gonna turn out in life

And the reason I say that is from the time I was nine 'til I was 13

I was raised by my grandmother, right?

In a whole donk little shit town and there's nothing to do, right?

Well, the year I lived with her that I turned 13

I figured out something really fun to do

And my grandma caught me in the bathroom just to do with it

And my grandmother bless her heart was a very religious woman

And she and I was mortified by this and she came up to me later

And she said, "It says in the Bible, young man, that it is better for your seed

To fall in the belly of a whore than on the ground"

I was like, what's tough to argue with that kind of logic, Grandma?

You got 50 bucks?

The first time I ever had sex in my life with somebody else was involved with it

My grandmother caught me in her garage having sex with this girl

And my grandmother said, "One of these days you're gonna be standing

Side by side with the Lord watching your life pass before your eyes

Answering for each and every one of your sins

And what are you gonna say to him, young man

When this little episode turned up?"

And I said, "I'm gonna tell him what says, here comes the good part"

I was throwing some dick in this one, wasn't I?

That's at 15-year-old back right there, that's something that could go

Now to fully understand this, you have to understand who my grandmother was

My grandmother and her family moved to the Panhandle of Northwest Texas

At the turn of the last century in a covered wagon, very poor, very rural people

And as a child, I would just have to look a little bit sick