The Rub

I know how much you hate to get up in the morning

But somebody's got to make a move

There's a parking lot full of police outside

And they all asked for you

He said, "I might mislead you but I wouldn't ever lie to you"

And I said, "Well, hell, that's the way it ought to be"

He said, "I never shot him, he shot himself

While he was shooting at me"

There's a pitchfork sticking through the roof of the car

And both the headlights are busted out

"Now these people say they saw you running away"

He said, "Hell, I was just going for help"

I hope somebody's writing this down

Let's get our story straight, boys, before we get back to town

My guess is he just went in insane

Tried to swim away with too much change

The doctor said, "I can fix that for you but it's gonna be a while

So just go on and take a seat

Try not to bleed on the carpet

And pull the door shut when you leave"

A singer-songwriter-massage therapist friend of mine

Said "Y'all might be needing a little help

Now I'll drive your truck but I don't lift nothing

And I room all by myself"

I hope somebody's writing this down

Let's get our story straight, boys, before we get back to town

Now all of y'all witnessed what I said he done

I hope he makes bail, I love it when they run