God, I Hate Shakespeare (Reprise)

Oh God, I hate Shakespeare!

That's right, I said it! (No!)

I do, I hate Shakespeare! (Why?)

I just don't get it, how a mediocre actor from a measly little town

Is suddenly the brightest jewel in England's royal crown

Oh God, I hate Shakespeare!

His plays are wordy, but oh no, the great Shakespeare!

That little turd, he has no sense about the audience

He makes them feel so dumb

The bastard doesn't care that my poor ass is getting numb

How can you say that?

How can you say that?

It's easy, I can say it, 'cause it's absolutely true

Don't be a penis, the man is a genius

His genius is he's fooling all of you

But he's brilliant, what majesty flows from his pen

His poetry soars like a sweet violin

God's own inspiration, like lightning, doth strike him

And he captures my soul

Ah jeez, you sound just like him!

Really? Thanks

You should hate Shakespeare

Oh, well, I don't, I try to emulate Shakespeare

Well, there's your problem, you're so blinded by the bard

Who's such a pompous little man

Why is it a problem to admit that I'm a fan?

'Cause he's a hack with a knack for stealing anything he can

How can you say that?

How can you say that?

The man really knows how to write a bitchin' play

You wish you could pen one

We wish we were in one

I just wish that he would go away

Well, that's not gonna happen

Because everybody I know says that he is the greatest writer that England has ever known

And that's another thing I hate about Shakespeare

Is all the twits who bloviate about Shakespeare

And how they prattle on about his great accomplishments

Well, la-di-da-di-da

And once they start their gushing there's no stopping on the menace

Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, Shakespeare

And he walks in his dum-da-dum-ta-da, Shakespeare

He's holding court and they say, "Will, you're such a genius and your writing is divine"

"A rose by any other name, it's such a clever line"

And they're all, ooh, and he's all stop

And they're all, yeah, and I'm all, ah

And I'm really getting sick of it

And oh, oh, oh, oh, I hate Shakespeare

I think by now we sort of know you hate Shakespeare

Schmakespeare

The way he feigns humility when all he does is gloat

The way he wears that silly frilly collar round his throat

The poster child for why no one should ever procreate

Let me make a shorter list and I will give it to you straight

Every little thing about Shakespeare is what I hate

He hates, he hates, he clearly, surely, very truly hates Shakespeare

Don't hate!