Are You Lonesome Tonight

Are you lonesome tonight?

Does your tummy feel tight?

Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums?

Does your memory stray

To that bright sunny day

When you had all your teeth and your gums?

Is your hairline receding?

Your eyes growing dim?

Hysterectomy for her

And it's prostate for him

Does your back give you pain?

Do your knees predict rain?

Tell me, dear, are you lonesome tonight?

Is your blood pressure up?

Good cholesterol down?

Are you eating your low-fat cuisine?

All that oat bran and fruit

Metamucil to boot

Help you run like a well-oiled machine

If it's football or baseball

He sure knows the score

Yes, he knows where it's at

But forgets what it's for

So your gall bladder's gone

But your gout lingers on

Tell me, dear, are you lonesome tonight?

Tell me, dear, are you lonesome tonight?