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I’d like to thank this most esteemed group the Toilers Academy of Philosophy and Invention, for the opportunity to explain this my almost fully realised embodiment of Existentialism, which is my life’s work such as it is.
As a young man, I was greatly impressed by the philosophy of the great thinkers of old. None resonated with me as much as that of Soren Kierkegaard the great Danish theologian, philosopher, poet and social critic. I even named my dog after him. He is also a great dane. Anyway he once said… Soren the philosopher, not my dog. My dog has never said anything of great profundity, although he does howl a lot when I play my banjo. So like his namesake he is something of a critic. So, Kierkegaard the philosopher once said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” I thought about that a lot and after my divorce I had a lot of free time on my hands.
Dating for a man my age is hard even for one of my rakish charm, so like many a man bereft of purpose I turned to tinkering in the old shed. I fixed up my old Holden HR Ute and repaired bicycles for the local kids. I discovered I had a knack for working with my hands, practical physics and voodoo. I guess then, it might seem only natural that a lonely old man with Kierkegaard echoing in the back of his head should use his skills as a welder and occult powers to build a time machine.
The first thing everyone says is that it looks just like an old wooden escalator all flattened out. But ah, there ain’t too many escalators powered by the broken heart of a man who can’t see any hope for the future and surprisingly spry old great dane. Which brings us back to Kierkegaard because he said, “life can only be understood backwards.” So it works like this, You step on the escalator here. And it moves forward at a rate just slower than walking pace. One then, turns to face backwards, and adjust the rear view mirrors on the side here and carefully walk backwards.
My detractors have argued that if Einstein is wrong, then it won’t work. I’d remind them that Kierkegaard proceeded Einstein by some 24 years and therefore could not have known about relativity which is why the dang thing will work.
All I need is another 10 million in completion funds and another pallet of dog food.
I thank the Academy for it’s time.