The Cold Hard Facts Of Life (Bill Anderson's 50th)

I got back in town the day before I planned to

I smiled and said, "I'll sure surprise my wife"

I'll just head on home, I don't think I'll follow any

Way around

For I didn't know the cold hard facts of life

I passed a little wine shop on the corner

I pictured pink champagne by candlelight

I stopped the car right then, got out and hurried in

My mind not on the cold hard facts of life

A stranger stood there laughing by the counter

He said, "I'll take two bottles of your best"

Her husband's out of town and there's a party

And he winked as if to say, "You know the rest"

I left the shop two steps behind the stranger

From there to my house, his car stayed in sight

But it wasn't 'til he turned into my drive that I learned

I was witnessing the cold hard facts of life

I drove around the block 'til I was dizzy

Each time the noise grew louder from within

I saw our bottle sittin' there beside me

I drank a fifth of courage, then walked in

Oh Lord, you should have seen their frantic faces

They screamed and cried, "Please put away that knife"

I guess I'll go to Hell or I'll rot here in this cell

For who taught who the cold hard facts of life

Who taught whom the cold hard facts of life