This Is What It's Like

It's happening again

I'm tearing at the slack, clawing at my skin

Until all that's left is all there's ever been

Until all that's left

Are new beginnings and nerve endings

Open pores hammered shut with blackened nails

The spiral starts, I descend

Years peel back like pages

So much time

Nothing changes

Everyone's moved on

Look at me, I'm still here

A monument to my avoidance

I didn't break it (why do I have to fix it?)

God left me fucking unfinished

God left me

There's gonna be a day it's all too much

And everything that's kept me alive has disappeared

This is what it's like

To have a predisposition to self destruction

It never leaves

It never leaves me be

I want to be washed, want to be cleaned

Want to be free from the burn in my bones that keeps me awake

No escape from the unwavering ache

When all this is over

You better remember this is what you wanted

You've lost your stomach for violence

And if you want me dead, keep fucking trying

I'm in your shadow, I'm in your blood

I'm all that I can or will ever love

I am a burden to everyone

I am a burden

And now all that's left is

A 357 called intervention

A natural end

Finally meeting expectations

The pain of regret never softens or dulls

It's an ever-spreading hole with concrete walls

I wish I knew how to live

Half as well as I know how to fail

This is what it's like

What the fuck do you know about falling apart?

You've got it all figured out

I'm still here waiting to start

This is what it's like

This is what it's like to know

This is what it's like

This is what it's like to know

That there is no self that will not crumble

This is what it's like to know