The Barnsley Youth And Temperance Society

The Barnsley Youth And Temperance Society – Shay Healy

The Barnsley Youth and Temperance Society,

Sought the salvation of their drunken brotherhood,

Of a travelling mineral bar they took propriety,

“Drop the Barnsley Bitter boys, juice is just as good!”

Then there came a terrible catastrophe,

Some bad bowser ran off with the car.

The Barnsley Youth and Temperance society

Felt so bad that half of them went off into the bar.

They took all the minerals and stored them in a shack,

The temperature was wrong and I’ll tell you all the craic,

Nature it combined with forces diabolic,

To turn the lovely minerals and soft drinks alcoholic.

Then at the gathering that was held unwittingly,

Underneath the safety of the local vicar’s roof.

They served up the minerals to the general gathering,

Never realising that the stuff was ninety-proof.

The rot set in and it was plain for everyone to see,

The vicar tottered down the path and pittled up a tree,

The women they were singing lots of things you wouldn’t think,

And all the little choir boys were puking in the sink.

Who should we see but the honorary secretary,

Chopping up his dinner, with a kitchen knife,

Saying “to hell with your temperance society.”

Then he cut the corsets off the poor old vicar’s wife.

Now the neighbours were complaining that they couldn’t sleep a wink,

So they called up the police then to lock them in the clink.

They were singing in the squad cars, they were singing in the jails,

It was rumoured that the village spinster danced the seven vails.

Then next morning after all the impropriety

None of them sorry, but some of them were sore,

Then they all declared the end of their sobriety,

The Barnsley Youth And Temperance Society was no more.

With a toot on a flute and a twiddle on the fiddle,

Up jump, turn around, backs against the wall.

Oh hadn’t we the craic lads,

At the local village hall.