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"Skeets Rules Cave City-Pluck Is Infectious"
Hell, this Miller guy's making us locals look bad
Every time you turn around, he's down under with Floyd
And we're up here, you know, sitting on our butts
I don't think we look so bad
Well, I sure wouldn't mind having my picture in the paper
Yeah, mine too
Get me New York City
Hello, Chicago?
Could you put me through to Bowling Green?
You ready for the lowdown
The real straight poop?
Here comes the mother lode scoop
Ah!
Get me Butte, Montana
Hello, Savannah?
Could you put me through to Abilene?
You ready for the info?
'Cause she's a pip
I'm mighty glad I made the trip
Cave City, comma, capital K, capital Y, February four
"Cave Man Underground"
You got it?
Yeah
"Cave Man Underground Imprisoned By Rock"
Somewhere in the cold hills of Kentucky, comma (Cave Man)
A caver named Floyd Collins (Trapped Inside)
Lies pinned in a sandy cave (A Boulder)
By a boulder on his foot, period
The Kentuckian is trapped (Kentuckian)
For no one knows how long (Caught Alone)
Under a two ton slab of granite, period (Coffin Of Stone)
The brave man lies in a coffin of stone, comma (Buried While)
Trapped under nearly- (Still Alive)
Seven Tons Of Rock!
Is that remarkable?
That's remarkable!
Is that remarkable enough?
The most amazing thing I ever saw!
Is it incredible?
Woah!
I wonder what tomorrow will bring!
Mr. Carmichael, I need to speak to you
I have a new idea
I wanna go down again
And this time, I wanna try a jack and a crowbar
I think I can pry the rock off his foot
You're not serious, Miller?
I am
This plan can work, sir
We have to try something, and soon
The one thing we can't have happen is for Floyd to lose hope
Floyd's starting to lose hope
Lose hope!
Lose hope!
What?
Excuse me, I didn't say Floyd's starting to lose hope exactly-
I want the Walla Walla Bugle
The Paducah Tribune
Is this the Mexicali Telegram?
You ready for the lowdown
The real straight poop?
Here comes the mother lode scoop
Ah
I want the Alamogordo Banner
The Boise Gazette
Get me the Bumblebee in Birmingham
You ready for the goods?
'Cause she's ready to pop
This is going over the top!
Cave City, comma, capital K, capital Y, February five
"Cave Victim Losing Hope"
According to Skeets Miller
Huh?
Comma
Collins is quickly
Slipping into a state of deep despair, period
Asking For Milk
The trapped man was heard to cry out, comma, quote (Crying Out)
"Get me out of here, comma (In Deep Despair)
Even if you have to tear my foot off!" (To Tear His)
Exclamation, close quote (Foot Off!)
Floyd is reported to be in a state of delirium (Losing Hope)
Conversing with cave crickets (And Crying Out)
And even begging them (In Deep Despair)
"To Hurry, Hurry!"
Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry
"Pull Me Out!"
Remarkable?
Wait
Is that remarkable enough?
If you report what you see
Is it incredible?
Woah!
I wonder what tomorrow will bring?
Lee, there's a fella just arrived from the People's Bank
And he's saying he wants to help us with our money trouble
Oh, God bless him, Janie!
Where is he?
God bless him
God bless him
The Collins family is deeply religious
Gimme the Lackawanna Pulpit
The Pierre Picayune
Is this the Tallahassee Democrat?
Sharpen that woody
'Cause here's the dope
Chock full of tragedy and hope
I'd like the Ponca City Sun
The Saginaw Globe
Put me through the Escanaba Finch
Grab a feather
And double dip
This bird is ready to rip
"Collins Family Waits And Prays"
Cave City, comma, capital K, capital Y, February six
"Nellie, Jane, Old Man Collins, Sitting On Log"
The picture of the old weathered farmer (The picture of)
And his bent backwoods wife (The weathered family)
Is a touching one, period (Is touching)
The virginal sister is a colorful (A virginal)
Example of the folkways and (And colorful)
Eccentricities of the hillbilly life, period (Example of the life)
Remarkably enough, comma
Although they live such simple lives, comma
The Collins family manages to own a car and even wear shoes
I'm freezing
Huh?
He's free!
What the-
Floyd Collins is free!
Hogwash!
Hell no!
Balderdash!
He's free!
Hooey!
But I was just with him and he's
Not free!
Skeets Miller
Celebrity Hack!
I wonder what tomorrow will bring?
Go on, you know you're yella!
Now listen, fella
This ain't no literary magazine
I only want the goodies
The mother lode scoop
I only wanna scoop
I only wanna scoop
I only wanna scoop the poop
Ooh
Scoop the poop
Scoop the poop