Heightened State Of Awareness

I love this country. I don't think this country's perfect, but I

Don't think any country is, and I think there are ways I could help

Improve this country, but nobody in Washington will listen to me

Because of my "behavioral problems." There are three ways I think

I could improve this, uh, country. I could improve the heightened

State of awareness system in this country, I could help fund the

War in Iraq, and there's an immigration problem. They want to build

A wall all the way from the Gulf of Mexico to the specific ocean

The specific—to a specific ocean, which they've already chosen. Oh

He was sharp in that? We saw him. Went on a UFO tour and took a trip

Across a specific ocean, which he

Had already chosen in advance. Fuck

Folks, I believe in my heart that the Department of Homeland

Security's color-coded heightened state of awareness system might be

The most useless thing ever shoved down the throats of the American

People. In all my travels, I've yet to meet one person that knows

What to do different if the heightened state of awareness is yellow

Or orange or orange or yellow. Nothing ever happens anyway. I haven't

Met one person that knows that there are five heightened states of

Awareness in this country. Did you know that, sir? Fuck no, you

Didn't. Blue, green, yellow, orange, and red. Apparently, when the

Heightened state of awareness is blue, you don't even need sunscreen

You can just walk outside naked. "You can't even burn my cock!" I'm

Not sure why the Scottish guy said that. "You can't even burn my

Cock!" The biggest problem I have with the heightened state of

Awareness system in this country is that it makes no sense. The

Second biggest problem I have with it is that it scares my mother

Thanks. The last time the heightened state of awareness switched from

Yellow to orange, my mother called me, and my mother is very, um...

Rural. As am I. And mother called me and she goes, "The heightened

State of awareness just switched to orange." I said, "I know, mother

I was watching television." She goes, "I don't know what to do."