Mormon Rapsody (Welcome to Utah)

(Can I hear an Amen?)

Hey, raise your hands

Yeah, make it manifest

For General Conference (TabCATS!)

From St. Geezy to Ogden

Y'all already know that modest is hottest!

The Highest we acquiesce

We're well dressed, gotta impress

We're the best this side the West

Here's to them Utah mountains!

Or was i' mou'in? Wha' is wri'en?

Flip, this U'ah accent's trippin'

This Sundee down south in Hurricane

Quell Crick's rilly got me fillin' thinks

Nope no sluffin' (Church)

Don't biff it (Hurts)

Powdered melk from food storages (Slurp)

Sweet sip drives out the bitter devilish

Now I be Chasin' them spirits, do you get it?

Toast up with it and try our great mixed drinks

Sodalicious, Fizz, or, Swig?

Yeah, c'mon and take your pick

Don't try to taste test that wicked whiskey

Toss that tendency till eternity

Ain't no need to be losin' any bit of wit

With this clean Mormon method of ge-ge-gettin' lit

That Hennessy is heresy, and gin is sin

Just hand to me that herbal tea and steamed jasmine

So I can get for me them millions and billions and trillions

Quadrillions, gazillions or maybe more planets

Denizens payin' their Dominus up tithing 'cause they're given this prophet, kid

Ain't Machiavellian, my pure pavilion is to teach the masses

With the eternal companion, wife, I'll inhabit it

Oh, "wifies"? Poly? I'll take a crack at it!

Wait, what? The religion's banished it?

Dagnab it! Back at it!

Up up till the endless of Zion's, Angel's top

To Empyrean if I could hie to Kolob! (Woo!)

We welcome y'all to Utah

Where we're dedicated to God

You may find us quite peculiar

But we're sending our love to ya

We welcome y'all to Utah

Land of my fathers where I grew up to love

A people you may find peculiar

But we're sending our love to ya

(Okay, gather 'round)

Once upon a time in Happy Valley

Keightlyn, Kayleigh, Saydee all liked Cheighcee

But it came to pass he learned those fake tans' name spellings

So he ran away in frightened haste, "These ladies crazy!"

Shops closed on Sunday

Whole state Chick-fil-A

Why you be clean shaved?

Seemin' like wee comely babes (Hey!)

RMs tryna NCMO then take them to the temple

'Cause nothing is impossible when you got the Gospel

Oh no, oh no, think my horns just shown

No no, bro no, hittin' powder means snow

Nose goes, Pharaoh hose, washed clean in Mo-mo flow

Provo, All-star bros all still soaked to the bone

No mojo; clothes: out of the in, G, know 'em

Whoa so original! Guys, they're sayin' we're a cult!

¡Estamos locos, vámonos a Beto's!

Let's go, let's go, gonna do it for the Lord!

Sorry, where were we? I want some Waffle Love

Stockton, Malone, and Donovan Mitchell

Nothin' superficial, just like my lyrical miracles

Ninety-nine essential oils, but um, Bishop, I've none

Cryin' eyes, upset, embroiled, when I'm catchin' you cuss

Brethren, you could sound eternally more eloquent with

"Shucks", "darn", "dang", "flip" and "fetchin'"!

Ain't gettin' sent to frickin' heck when

Fry sauce is sendin' me to heaven

But I'm promisin' repentance

Prime rhymes for Divine when forging these hymns

A swift six-child or women marriage,

Rated-G footage binge, skivvies, or beverage

The Eternal Life of state flower: "cone-struction"

And never ever ever ever no gosh darn swearin'

(In front of the parents)

Haha! Oh, shhhhhhhh

(Shiz the Jaredite)

(Shiitake mushrooms)

(Shield of faith)

Speakin' of language, ya know them missionaries?

And have they visited in your vicinity lately?

Wearing a name badge and grin big as chimpanzees

Callin' you brother, sister, pedaling bikes and praying?

The "Best two Years" are young, rapping doors, tracting

Come preach the Good Word for God's big family gathering

Yeah we put in the work of baptism this is spanning

Every land and tongue, so let's do it in Japanese!

こんにちゃ〜！

ご存知ですか、キリスト教会？

えっとあのちょっとな

手が放せない

チラシだけでええやん？（はい）

日本人やからな（はい）

我々はな（はい、はい）

先祖ずっと仏教入ってんな

「興味がない！」

「興味深い。。。聖書をお願い！」

「神様なんていらっしゃらないぞ！」

「そのような存在を信じたいよ！」

「宗教ってあやしいぞ！」

「信仰で祈りを叶えよう！」

「結構！」「どうぞ！」「帰れよ！」

「バプテスマを受けたいよ！」

伝道はそんなもん

宣教師の凄い生活

モルモン書を読もう！

神に救われたくねえか？

日本語話しとる

が外人っぽい訛りめっちゃある

人を訪問しきっちゃう

けど毎度ありがた迷惑

ってか、今

Let us switch up

The rhythm 'cause my skill is Mormonism conversion

Unorthodox lyricism

Proselytism via spittin' this seven-minute song

Seven-minute song? For my Sacrament talk

Oh is that too long? Heh, nah!

Exorcism hit your demons with confusion

This hip hop theism has gotta have its own pièce de résistance

For my heritage I'm carried in

To capture the rapture

"Mormon Rapsody", you better bless faster!

Gotta be capable of keepin' up with the same pace, lookin' Child of God

'Cause, guess what?

I'm beginning to feel like a rap god, clouds trod

Deified me be shootin' lightning with amp style, shock y'all

Stunning with love, we welcome y'all up to Utah (Dahla, Dahla Billz y'all)

I'mma use the Gift of Tongues infused with the tune

And a lotta bit of na-na-napalm

破魔なんだ！ 黙れ、魔！

Y'all behold the holiest!

I gotta show the godly flow to save ya soul: a "deus ex"

An Eagle scout above the clouds

A new Μιχαήλ: I'm angel-esque

O'er Deseret, pneumatic Trek

Without a step I run the land!

So give an apology for your atrocities

Know the psychology of theology

More than a mythology, or a pathology

When the creation of His Grace, then

By the ideology of soteriology, the Plan of Salvation

And revelation, be embodying the Golden philosophy

And swallowing the prophecies of Christology because

(Let me tell you)

Jesus is the reason for the season when it's freezin'

Hark 'em, heed Him, bells are ringin', heralds singin' in Judaea

So believe it when I'm preachin' Peter Priesthood gotcha feelin'

Like it's Christmas even when it's gettin' Churchy-chill in Chile

(Wait, really?)

I buy my ice on nineth

Like Johnny Lingo, I find my eight-cow wife

I'm dope as the Pope or Nelson on the slopes

I got my eyes on the Son-rise out the tombstone

Light reach through the loophole

Fire free, I shoot true though

Army keep in fold

For when the Lamb calls His hosts

With Battalion Hymnals

Glory, glory (Glory, glory)

Glory, glory (Glory, glory)

Glory, Hallelujah! His truth marching forward

Glory, glory, Holy War vanquish the evil

You, you talk; we don't fumble our Word

Be why you got to gain mercy, Hail Mary, change earth

Come skrrt on to church

Two hours? Hah! Could be worse

Feel the burning of the Spirit and the Burnz beat verse

Be flirting, I'm converting

We're not worthy, but we're verging on the Pearly Gates

Hurting on my booty due to gluteoplasty surgery

Do it for the girlies!

Kumbaya with mama, loving one another

Because Utah is just teemin' with the scenes to be seen here

Like King's Peak, Fat Cats, skiing or Eureka

Or Tooele, that's where we like to... to... uh

Oh yeah... there's nothing, huh?

We welcome y'all to Utah

We welcome y'all to Utah, Alleluia!