Goodbye Squirrel

Be vewy vewy qwiet…we are huntin' somethin')

Me and Harold Muffert were outdoors men

Set in our backwoods ways

Both members of the huntin' club

Both active in the NRA

(National Redneck Association)

We scouted a location where we had no doubt

We'd kill the biggest buck in the world

(About a 34-pointer)

Harold waited in his tree stand

But all he seen was a squirrel

Dang near two weeks since the season started

And neither one of us was amused

(HA HA HA)

We had on real tree camo, high-powered ammo

But no big game to shoot

Then we finally saw a deer as big as a horse

Harold had him in his crosshairs

(Shoot him!)

But that squirrel jumped off of a branch above us

And landed in Harold's hair

(Dang, get it out! Dang!)

Harold fell off the stand, on his head he landed

Like a wimp he laid there cryin

Till I climbed on down,

Picked him up off the ground

And it didn't take us long to decide,

That squirrel had to die

Goodbye squirrel

With black-eyed peas,

You're gonna taste good to me

Squirrel

It's you or me,

Come on out of that tree

Squirrel

Hey guess what,

You've eaten your last nut

Squirrel

Me and Harold went down to the surplus store

Bought a keg of dynamite

Two baseball bats and a case of M-80s

We were in for one heck of a fight

(We'll show you!)

When you're huntin' with dumb and dumber

Something's surely bound to go wrong

(Now be careful)

And when Harold lit that real short fuse

I knew it wouldn't be long

When the dynamite blew,

Harold's foot did too

And fingers began to fly

(Fly)

We were barely alive

When the game warden arrived