2 Bed, 2 Bath (and a Ghost)

The old man next door says his house is haunted

He says a ghost keeps him awake

I think he's having a hard time, to be honest

Since his darling passed away

But he fears that a phantom

Has finally found him... some nemesis that never quit holding a grudge

The old man next door says his house is haunted

It's best to be upfront with some tough love

I said Robert I'm so sorry

Your house ain't haunted

You're just not used to bein' alone

Robert all the creaks and shifts are just the sounds you missed

When you shared your home

He says: no, no, no, no no no…

I've had some close calls with falling items

I'm duckin' picture frames and dinner plates and all

All my daily meds: I can never find 'em

They're put in places that I never would've done

And the furniture shifts and it caused me to trip

I wake up with my pillow on my face every night

It sounds silly but this house is tryin' to kill me

Will you come see?

Just stay with me?

Just stay with me one time?

I said Robert I'm so sorry

Your house ain't haunted

You're just not used to bein' alone

Robert all the shifts and creaks are just the signs of grief

Now you're living on your own...

But okay, I'll go…

And I can't help but feel absurd because nothing

That I've heard from the downstairs room

Is of paranormal origin, it's 4 am, this poor old man is just confused

But wait

I hear footsteps... on the stairs...

They're gettin' louder and louder... Above me... They're stomping

I pray it's just Robert until I hear him scream my name

NEIGHBOR GUY!

And I go running up the stairs, jumping three at a time

And I'm fully unprepared for the terrors I will find

I burst into the room and by the light of the moon

It's a ghost as real as both me and you

And it wasn't the butler that he sacked without cause

Or that surly groundskeeper or that mafia boss

Or his old business partner that he stabbed in the back

Or the ghost of Christmas Future, Present or Past

And it wasn't the guy from the mishap at the zoo

Or that other guy from the other mishap at the zoo

No, of all the spooky specters Robert wronged in his life

The ghost floating between us was his darling dead wife

And she said

Robert, I'm so sorry

Didn't mean to scare you

I'm just not used to bein' alone

Robert, ya see, death's a one way street

And I can't find my way back home

Robert, I figured I'd just come getcha

I thought a haunting might do the trick

Robert, I'm sorry, I thought it'd be easier

I don't remember you bein' this quick…

The old house next door's got a sign out front now

A for sale sign tied to a post

So, attention shoppers, you can make an offer

On a 2 bed, 2 bath and a Ghost