The Evil Prince (Line In Vancouver, British Columbia, 1984)

Well well well, now, dis de nasty sucker dat be respondable fo de enwhiffment o de origumal potium

Now in his infinate respondable party personage as de Evil Prince and through de magik o stage-kraft of course

Wes about to see what gwine on in his magikal conjurance up of his little cauldrom of doom

Now check it on out now

Somewhere, over there, I can tell

I guess so

There's the voice of

A potato-headed whatchamacallit

Whoo, do tell

Who does not wish me well

His clothes are quite stupid

And also his shoes

Ain't no bussiness like show business

He's got a big ol' duck-mouth

Who knows how he chews

He thinks he knows something

About THE GREAT PLAN

How ULTIMATE BLANDNESS

Must RULE and COMMAND

He knows not a drop

Not a crumb

Not a whit

Of the reason for doing

This criminal shit

And then, if he did

Would it matter a bit?

Not at all

Because it is writ-

Our BEIGE-BLANDISH GOD

Tends to CERTIFY IT

Only the boring and bland shall survive

Only the lamest of lameness will thrive

Take it or leave it, you won't be alive

If you are overtly CREATIVE

Fairies and faggots and queers are

CREATIVE

All the best music on Broadway is

NATIVE

Who will step forward

And end all this trouble?

For beige-blandish citizens

Clutching the rubble

Of vanishing dreams

Of wimpish amusement

Replaced by a rash

Of CREATIVE confusement

Soon, my brave Zombies

Youll make your return

Broadway will glow

Broadway will burn

Along with the remnants of

Everything new

My HOLY DISEASE will do

Wonders for you

Those lovely producers

Who paid for you then

Will do it again, and again, and again

The spying potato

The spying potato

With horrible diction

And terrible diction

Will rot in the garbage

I can smell it right now

When this shows eviction

Takes place shortly after

My alternate skill

Of THEATRICAL SABOTAGE

Triumphs YOUR will

I've a special review

Yes I know you really do

I've been saving for years

Yes I know you really have

For a show just like this

For a really stupid show

With POTATOES and QUEERS

I'll say it's disgusting, atrocious, and dull

I'll say it makes boils inside of your skull

I'll say it's the worst-of-the-worst of the year

No wind down the plain, and it's hard on your ear

I'll say it's the work of an infantile mind

I'll say that it's tasteless, and that you will find

A better excuse to spend money or time

At a Tupper-Ware Party, wee-oo

So, do be a smarty

Oo-oo-wee-oo

Hold on to that dollar

A little while longer

For spending it here

Why, it couldn't be wronger

What's happened to Broadway?

Where's it gone, all the glitter?

The heart and soul

The patter?

The pitter?

And after this deadly review hits the paper

In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER

To legally execute all that remains

Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains

Drug-addled brains, drug addled brains

Hold on to that g-string

A little while longer

For spending it here

Why, it couldn't be wronger

What's happened to Broadway?

Where's it gone, all the glitter?

The heart and soul

The patter?

The pitter?

And after this deadly review hits the paper

In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER

To legally execute all that remains

Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains

Hey hey, hey hey, hey hey, brai-hains...