I Keed

I thought my CD was done

But that's not what they say

"Do an insult track, we need it for radio play"

Cram in the names, I'll take a long hard pee

Time to mess up the biz like an MP3

American Idols, that's who I look for

In the poop section of my local record store

Ruben or clay, oh which should I pick

It's like choosing which puddle of vomit to lick

And when I want something even more fruity and fake

I look up 'N' for N'Sync or 'T' for Timberlake

So many skills Justin's making a buck at

Does he rap? Does he sing? He doesn't know what to suck at

Now as for the bitches, let's give Britney thanks

For the face that launched a million pre-teen skanks

You were a virgin, that had to be hard

You've had more bones in your mouth than a St. Bernard

I keed, I keed!

(He just make a little joke)

I joke with you!

(LIttle dog, little joke)

I keed, I keed!

(He just make a little joke)

Yeah, you're a great actress too

(Little dog, little joke)

Now let's go to Wal-mart where they won't sell my CD

That company's nuts are in a jar in aisle 3

But you can see Christina in all her sluthood

It's like watching porn but the music's not as good

I want to stuff my TV's crotch with a dollar

Still I'd hump you if I could wear my flea collar

You're looser than my poop after eating Honeydew

Only 50 Cent's been plugged more than you

And yet you're too old for Fred Durst to desire

He's checking out the cast of "Lizzie McGuire"

Soon Fred will try to get Mandy Moore

To open for him, and I don't mean on tour

You're not the first, Durst, poor R Kelly

His videos premiere at the LAPD

I believe they set up an innocent guy

You know what else? I believe I can fly

I keed, I keed!

(He just make a little joke)

I joke with you!

(LIttle dog, little joke)

I keed, I keed!

(He just make a little joke)

I believe Michael too, yes.

(Little dog, little joke)

Now look how friggin cool those guys from the Strokes are

Their riffs are three times as old as my jokes are

Hey White Stripes guy, is that your wife or your sister

Shouldn't you be playing country music, mister?

Hey Coldplay, maybe you should be Coldsore

Back when you were U2 I liked you so much more

Somehow your song "Yellow" reminds me of pee

I think 'cause when it's over, it's a big relief to me

Now Pink, is that your hair or a tattoo?

I didn't know Supercuts had a drive-thru

Yo Nelly, what kind of name is that?

That's about as gangsta as an easter bonnet hat

And Snoop says he's clean now? You make the call

The guy's higher than Billy Joel's Cholesterol

Snoop, there's only room for one dog, putz

And I can rap, can you lick your own nuts?

Poop Diddy, are you in show business still?

I didn't know wearing a suit was a skill

J Lo, J Lo, the giant tail-o

For a doggy's nose, thst's the Holy Grail-o

Shakira's butt's fine, but it won't hold still you see

I sniffed Elton John's tush just for all the history

I sniffed J-Lo's ass and got too touchy-feely

She let loose a bomb that was bigger than "Gigli"

I keed, I keed!

(He just make a little joke)

I joke with you

(Little dog, little joke)

I keed, I keed!

(Nothing wrong with your butt)

I even like... I don't like Affleck

(Nothing wrong with your butt)

Avril Lavigne punk queen, now there's a kidder

Go back north, Celine needs a babysitter

Philip Glass, atonal ass, you're not immune

Write a song with a fucking tune

And on the list of pussies, don't leave off MTV

I scared them and Eminem so they gave the hook to me

Slim Shady, why do you find me so scary?

We're just two regular dudes who banged Mariah Carey

Wipe off that frown, just do without it

Hey my mom was a bitch, but I don't go writing songs about it

I keed, I keed!

(He just make a little joke)

I joke with you!

(Little dog, little joke)

I keed, I keed!

(He just make a little joke)

You know I never meant to hurt you

(Never meant to make you cry)

I keed, I keed!

(He just make a little joke)

It's a joke you see!

(Laffy, laffy, laffy, ha, ha)

Let's stop hating each other

(He just make a little joke)

Leave the pooping to me

(Rock it to me, sock it to me)

Rock it to me, sock it to me

Rock it to me, sock it to me

Rock it to me, sock it I'm a rapping dog

And I'm here to say

Rappa rappa rappa

A tappa huppa huppa

I kid.