Be Glad I Love You (Go to Bed)

I have a theory, dear, so let me put it past

I have to check it's valid, though I know you didn't ask

You don't like to kiss me

No, you don't like to kiss

'Cause my beard is way too itchy and it scratches up your lips

But I can't shave it off, I'm too self-conscious of the fact

I have a scar above my lip that my beard and mustache mask

And I have a scar above my lip 'cause I once smashed up on a curb

Flew over both my handlebars and straight into the dirt

And I didn't have a helmet on 'cause that was way back when

I was too damn cool for safety rules or simple common sense

So if I now remember right by the transitive rule

Darling, you don't like to kiss me

'Cause I'm too damn cool

With tired eyes, she stared at me

"It's 3 a.m.," she said

"Bug, be glad I love you, you're a goober, go to bed"

You love my quirks, my quirks

The dopey way I flirt

You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves

You love my quirks, my quirks

I'm certain you deserve

A handsome hunk, but now you're stuck with this annoying nerd

You put up with more than most would mind

The time it takes to rise and shine

I'm hittin' snooze at 6:05, 6:15, and six more times

You don't mind the way I weigh my food

My morning routine which includes

Scrambling to find my keys 'cause I can't leave them out in view

Even though you bought that bowl

Put it right beside the door

And all I have to do is set them there as soon as I get home

Instead I'm flippin' up the couch and

Oh, hey, there they are, I found 'em

Have a great day and oh, have you seen my wallet?

You love my quirks, my quirks

The dopey way I flirt

You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves

You love my quirks, my quirks

I'm certain you deserve

A macho man, but all I am's a silly introvert

And I keep you up past midnight

Crazy thoughts inside my head

Bug, be glad I love you, you're a goober, go to bed

And she holds to my t-shirt when I take off my sweatshirt

To make sure it stays down

Now that's what I call teamwork

I keep us on time, she makes all our friends

And makes sure that my fly is zipped up on my pants

If Snapchat is to flirt, and Tinder to find love

We're back here snappin' polaroids just to shake things up

You love my quirks, my quirks

The dopey way I flirt

You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves

You love my quirks, my quirks

I'm certain you deserve

A sexy stud instead of what you've chosen 'cause I'm sure that

All the girls, the girls, who hear this song and smirk

And feel pity 'cause I sound like I'm more trouble than I'm worth

Are probably right