Where Our Silence Comes To Die

This is where we speak with broken tongues

And how do I begin to abandon the system of reward?

Survive or stick

As long as you're barely treading water

You've gotta be grateful and sick

Grateful and sick (panic resurfacing)

I need nothing aside from answers

I need nothing inside from you

I need nothing

I want to be me, but I'll accept whatever comes next

Decorated or dead

Our tombs have never brought us answers

And we decorate all the same

Draped in laurels of loyal disregard and ever pouring shame

We are golden

Tarnished and golden, naked and ruined

Golden and discarded into deeper wells

Defamation, assassinate all I am

I'll ridicule this abuse of man

Pathetic man

Pathetic me

Is this what clings to apathy?

And if you gaslight the imposter syndrome

You can keep them suckling (for validation)

Pin cushion, bleeding through ivory veils

Pale blood streaming down trembling legs

Diluting the purest waters of the mind

Tortured moments rinsing clean

...but stained with desperation for validation -

Affirmation that will never come to heal you

"We look outside for what we can find within"

This steepest of slopes will leave us alone

Because we're the emptiest pieces of shit

You can't appeal to my sense of self-worth

I'm caught wondering if it's what this means

To feel what other human beings calls joy

I'm undone

This is where our silence comes to die

And now I can begin to ascend from the ground

Where merit rots

Dissolve or shift

I am undone

And am I grateful enough?

Grateful enough, I'm still just learning to be me

...To be myself in infancy

Aborted repeatedly

Life crushes us down relentlessly

And here it comes, another forever comes crashing

(Failure)

Failing