If I Ever Get There

Well I meant to arrive on the dot at eight

But the bus was too early… and then far too late.

I swore I'd be timely, but life doesn't care

I'm practically punctual… if I ever get there!

I stopped for a paper, then lost all my change,

I bought the wrong ticket—oh, isn't that strange?

A gentleman tripped me, he meant well, I swear,

So I stumbled off-course

If I ever get there!

I've got pep in my shoes,

I've got bounce in my hair!

I'd be queen of arrivals

If I ever get there!

I hailed a bright taxi, but he hailed me first,

I chased down a trolley, but missed it—the worst!

The bridge was wide open, the crowd stopped to stare,

And I waved from the wrong side

If I ever get there!

The world conspires with comic flair,

To keep me spinning everywhere

If I ever get there, oh won't it be sweet?

They'll all be applauding my fashionable feat!

They'll whisper: "She planned it, she's perfectly rare

A star makes an entrance… if she ever gets there!"

The cake has been eaten, the speeches are done,

The candles extinguished, the prizes all won.

I dash through the doorway, collapsing my chair

To a round of goodbyes

Yes, I finally got there!

Perhaps it's a lesson, a sign from above:

That journeys are sweeter than parties we love.

But try telling that to my vanity's glare

She stamps her foot firmly

"I must still get there!"

If I ever get there, I'll dazzle the floor!

Though everyone's leaving, I'll still get an encore!

Confetti may settle, the hall may be bare

But I'll strike up a pose

If I ever get there!

So hold all your farewells,

Don't turn out the light

I'm bound to arrive

Just not quite tonight!

If I ever get there!