Tribbles

The silent nights get lonely

The daydreams go away

I'm left with only night dreams

And little left to say

My quarters, dark and empty

A fortress made of glass

Seems shattered all too

For I'm up to my ass in

Tribbles every place but here

Their voices fill the air

Their little furry faces gaze

At you from everywhere

So far they've caused a major brawl

A Trader's suicide

The Klingons cleared this quadrant

Because they're on our side

Now as Captain, I am quite obliged

To suffer this with cheer

But after just one baby boom

The bridge is never clear of

Tribbles in the engine room

Poor Scotty's at wits end

Just when we think we've found the last

They reproduce again

They're eating all our food, our clothes

Cosmetics, lubricants

The turbo-lifts are choked with

Little uncles, little aunts

There's nowhere we can run to

That isn't overrun

They always come in families

There's no such thing as one

Now Spock is trying very hard

To study them his best

He keeps requesting more

When all we want are less

Tribbles in our toiletries

(In our toilets as well)

And if I had God's power

I would damn the lot to.. well

A life of sweet sterility

As key chains, powder puffs

As doorknob warmers, catnip toys

Pin cushions, false fur cuffs

But life is back at half-light speed

We're back on normal course

The tribbles have been mailed away

(To the Klingons' great remorse)

But 'neath my pillow, late at night

I feel a tuft of fur

Just as I think"Oh, God! It can't be!"

I hear the tell tale purr of

Tribbles! Will they ever leave

Oh, can we ever win