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"Hello? Hello?
No, I'm sorry, I'm frightfully busy today."
"Oh, Mr. Baldrick, can I have your autograph?"
"Oh, I can't write."
"But I've come a long way, oh shit."
"Well, it's an equally long way to go back, isn't it?"
"Oh, Mr. Baldrick, can I play you a song of mine?"
"Oh, must you?"
"Yes, I really must."
"Oh, go on then."
"Yes, it's awfully good, Mr. Lennon."
"I will use it on your new album."
"Oh, I don't know, I'll have to call you, I'm sorry, I've got the
Phone in the other room, the other phone going, yes, hello, hello?
No, I'm sorry, I've just been driven completely
Up the wall today, I just can't cope, I'm sorry."
"Here's your tea, Mr. Baldrick."
"Oh, bless your heart, thank you."
Every nation in creation
Has its favorite drink
France is famous for its wine
It's beer in Germany
Turkey has its coffee
And they serve it blacker than ink
Russia goes for vodka
And England loves its tea
Oh, the factory may be roaring
With a boomalacka zoomalacka whee
But there isn't any roar when the clock strikes four
Everything stops for tea
Oh, a lawyer in the courtroom
In the middle of an alimony plea
Has to stop and help them pour when the clock strikes four
Everything stops for tea
It's a very good English custom
Though the weather be cold or hot
When you need a little pick-up
You'll find a little teacup
Will always hit the spot
You remember Cleopatra?
She had a date to meet Marc Antony at three
But he came an hour late, she said, "You'll have to wait
'Cause everything stops for tea"
Now, they may be playing football
And the crowd is shouting, "Kill the referee!"
But no matter what the score when the clock strikes four
Everything stops for tea
Now, the golfer may be golfing
And is just about to make a hole-in-three
It always gets him sore when the clock strikes four
'Cause everything stops for tea
It's a very good English custom
And a stimulant for the brain
When you feel a little weary
A cup will make you cheery
And it's cheaper than champagne
Now, I know just why Franz Schubert
Didn't finish his Unfinished Symphony
He would have written more but the clock struck four
And everything stops for tea