Tommy

I was talking to my friend Tommy, he's almost 6.3 years old. I said, "Is it just me, or has

Power Rangers gone to shit this season?" and he shook his head and said, "I know." I

said, "That Turbo movie was stupid," and Tommy said, "I didn't even go." And he said, "I

can't keep track of the Zords." And he said, "I hardly even watch it anymore." I said, "I

think they lost when they all switched colors just for the hell of it," and Tommy said, "That

'White Ranger's long-lost brother' theme didn't seem relevant." I said, "It's just like

Darkman--it started out fine but it sucked by the time they made Darkman III: Die Darkman

Die. Everything good turns to crap eventually," and that's when Tommy said, "Isn't that

just the way it is?" And Tommy said, "What happened to my friend Barney? Yesterday he

was a king, now he's a dinosaur. And Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just doesn't hold my

interest anymore." I said, "Team Knight Rider was a letdown too." He said, "It's true, but

not as disappointing as Secret Wars II." I

said, 'It's just the same as G.I. Joe. I recall he was one foot tall. He'd of stepped on Cobra

Commander and drop-kicked Destro." He said, "It's just like the New Kids--I thought they

were cool but I felt like a fool when I found out Donnie Wahlberg was in graduate school." I

said, "Or consider Duran Duran since they got that other fella: they went from Seven and

the Ragged Tiger to Electric Barbarella. Tommy said, "Can you explain why nothing ever

stays the same? Adam, can you help me, man? Can you help me understand? Who,

what, where, when, how, and why? Is there a God? And who am I? And do you think

they'll really remake the original Planet of the Apes?" I said, "don't ask me, I'm only 28."

And it's just like Tommy said, "Isn't that just the way it is." That's just the way it goes.

That's just the way the cookie crumbles. That's just the way the old ball bounces. Shit

happens. Isn't it a shame? Isn't it a crying shame? It's a crying shame. Crap! Crap crap!

Crap, crap. It turns to crap. It turns to crap an

d it won't turn back. Crap, crap. It turn to crap. C'mon everybody c'mon and do the crap

clap. Crap. Crap. It turns to crap. It turns to crap and it won't turn back. Like Spinal Tap