You Can't Have Me (If You Don't Have Him)

My folks were small-time grifters, yeah

And counter-fitters, too

They never did the kind of things

That most kids' parents do

Most fathers make a living

Keeping books or pushing broom

But Mom and Dad made homemade dough

Right in our living room!

But when the heat got too intense

They took it on the lamb

My father left a note that said

"Be better than I am!"

Then Jerry's clan across the hall

Stepped in to save the day

They took me in and raised me right

And that is why I say

That he's the needle, I'm the thread

He's the butter, I'm the bread

He's the fruit, and I'm the peel

He's Achilles, I'm the heel

Yeah, he's my brother through-and-through

Like the Marks, the Wrights, the Grim!

Yeah, you can't have tea without the two

And you can't have me if you don't have him!

Alright, back to work!

Don't you wanna hear Jerry's half of the story?

Gotta give the people what they want

My folks were in a business, too

The business we call show

The house was full of hoofers

We were strictly SRO

They taught me every time-step

Then I shuffled off to school

But on the south side of Chicago

No one loved this dancing fool!

The gangster kids all knocked me down

And made off with my lunch

'Cause I was taught to buck and wing

But not to land a punch!

But then Joe here had a brainstorm

When he saw I couldn't fight

I played the odds against him

And we ate ice cream every night!

Yeah, he's the bait, and I'm the hook

I'm the goose, and he's the cook

He's the beans — and he's the gas

I'm the bulls — and I'm the brass

You can't break up a winning team

Like that crutch and Tiny Tim!

They say you can't have a ball without the shoe