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Miss Marmelstein
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Why is it always "Miss Marmelstein"?
Miss Marmelstein
Oh, Miss Marmelstein
Other girls, they're called by their first names right away
They get cozy and tamé
Know what I mean?
Nobody calls me "Hey, baby doll"
Or "Honey dear"
Or "Sweetie pie"
Even my first name would be preferable
Though it's terrible
It might be better
It's yetter
Or perhaps my second name, that's Tessie
Spelled T-E-S-S-Y-E
But no, no, it's always "Miss Marmelstein"
You'd think at least "Miss M", they could try!
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Oh, I could die!
I'm a very willing secretary
Enjoy my work as my employer will corroborate
Except for one disappointment, one fly in the ointment
It's great! I mean simply great!
The aggravation of my situation
I might as well get it off my chest
Is the drab appellation
Pardon the big words I applied
But I was an English major at CCNY
The drab appellation
With which I am persistently addressed
Persistently, perpetually, continually, inevitably addressed
Believe me, it can drive a person positively psychosomatic
Why is it always "Miss Marmelstein"?
Miss Marmelstein
Oh, Miss Marmelstein
Other girls get called by their nicknames right away
Slightly naughty or risqué
Know what I mean?
Nobody calls me "Hey, coochie coo"
Or "bubbler"
Or "passion pie"
Even "Hey there, babe!", though not respectable
Ain't so objectable
It's kind of crummy, but chummy
'Course if I got married, that would do it
So where's the lucky guy?
'Til then it still is "Miss Marmelstein"
Every day I get more and more fussed!
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein