How It's Gonna Be

Start off in the womb, yeah, where it's nice and warm

Things are lookin' good, then it's time to be born

Doctor pulls you out and slaps you on the butt

And before you know it your umbilical cord is cut

Drag you from your mama, wheel you down the hall

Room full of babies, who just lie there and bawl

Lyin' in a diaper, feelin' like a fool

Things'll get much worse when it's time to go to school

You're crammed into a classroom with 30 other kids

Good you get nothing - bad you get hit

Nobody likes you and the classroom is cold

Stuck with a textbook that's 35 years old

Bullies beat you up, teacher puts you down

Sittin' in the corner don't dare make a sound

If you learn one thing, better learn to curse

'cause from now on, life gets even worse

Now that you are 30, better get a job

You will buy a house, you will buy a Saab

Get up in the morning, you will feel like dyin'

As the years go rollin' by, you will lose your mind

You were once a young man, now you're turnin' grey

Listening to people talkin' 'bout the Judgment Day

Now you've retired, goodbye to the job

And you've lost your teeth, goodbye corn-on-the-cob

Look back on your life and all the things you did

Standin' in the yard, yellin' at the kids

Now you're kickin' back, you don't have a care

Time to see the world from your Craft-matic chair

You'll move to Arizona where all the old folks go

You will vote Republican, you'll see UFO's

Then one day you die, find yourself in Hell

With the lake-o'-fire and that awful brimstone smell

You were really good, but you weren't good enough

Living ain't so easy, dying's really tough

Now look around, see how it's gonna be

Yes, my friend, you're screwed for all eternity