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Making Things up Again
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And lo, the Lord said unto the Nephites:
"I know you're really depressed,
what with all your AIDS and everything
but there is an answer in Christ."
You see? This book can help us!
I just told a lie
No, wait, I didn't lie
I just used my imagination
And it worked!
You're making things up again, Arnold (But it worked, Dad!)
You're stretching the truth again and you know it
Don't be a Fibbing Fran, Arnold (Joseph Smith?)
Because a lie is a lie (It's not a lie!)
You're making things up again, Arnold (Oh, conscience!)
You're taking the holy word and adding fiction!
Be careful how you proceed, Arnold
When you fib, there's a price
Ehh, this it bullshit!
The story I have been told is that the way to cure AIDS
is by sleeping with a virgin
I'm going to go and rape a baby!
What?! Oh my-no! You can't do that! No!
Why not?
Because that is definitely against God's will!
Says who?
Where in that book of yours does it say anything about sleeping with a baby, huh? Nowhere!
Uhhhh, behold!
The Lord said to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith "You shall not have sex with that infant!"
LO! Joseph said: "Why not, Lord? Huh? Why not?"
And the Lord said, "If you lay with an infant, you shall...burn in the fiery pits of Mordor!"
Really?
Uh-huh... Uh-huh!
"A baby cannot cure your illness, Joseph Smith.
I shall give unto you... a frog!"
And thus: Joseph laid with the frog, and his AIDS was no more!
Ohhhhh!
You're making things up again, Arnold
You're recklessly warping the words of Jesus!
You can't just say what you want, Arnold! (Come, on, Hobbits!)
You're digging yourself a deep hole!
I'm making things up again, kind of
But this time, it's helping a dozen people
It's nothing so bad because this time
I'm not committing a sin just by making things up again, right? (No!)
Elder Cunningham, you have to stop him!