The Hostess With The Mostest (from Call Me Madam)

I was born on a thousand acres

Of Oklahoma land

Nothing grew on the thousand acres

For it was gravel and sand

One day Father started digging in a field

Hoping to find some soil

He dug and he dug

And what do you think?

Oil, oil, oil!

The money rolled in and I rolled out

With a fortune piled so high

Washington was my destination

And now who am I?

I'm the chosen party giver

For the White House clientele

And they know that I deliver

What it takes to make 'em gel

And in Washington I'm known by one and all

As the hostess with the mostess on the ball!

They would go to Elsa Maxwell

When they had an axe to grind

They could always grind their axe well

At the parties she designed

Now the hatchet grinders all prefer to call

On the hostess with the mostess on the ball!

I've a great big bar and good caviar

Yes, the best that can be found

And a large amount in my bank account

When election time comes around

If you're feeling presidential

You can make it, yes, indeed

There are just three things essential

Let me tell you all you need

Is an ounce of wisdom and a pound of gall

And the hostess with the mostess on the ball!

An ambassador has just reached the shore

He's a man of many loves

An important gent from the Orient

To be handled with kid gloves

He can come and let his hair down

Have the best time of his life

Even bring his new affair down

Introduce her as his wife

But she mustn't leave her panties in the hall

Of the hostess who's the hostess

With the mostess on the ball!