Social Media: The Unverified Rusical

Ladies and gentlemen, trollers and scrollers

Tonight is all about you and the living hell you've created

I know what you're thinking

Has she always been this bitter?

Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?

Oops, I just got cancelled

Log in, sign on with your e-mail

Log in, sign on, you'll feel swell

In this new day, more world decay

Is just one-a click away

Our cautionary tale begins innocently enough at Tuckahoe University

As computer genius Markie Tuckenberg works late into the night

Foxy, I did it

I invented a new social network

And I'm calling it, Fistbook

Fistbook? Markie, do you even know what that means?

Ew, never mind

Hold up

What if we used this social network to connect people around the world?

I guess I could collect all their personal data

We'll call it Face, Face, Facelook

You know, that might just work

Ice Bucket Challenges, posts of me planking

Sending a cat meme to get the world laughing

Avocados looking fancy on toast

Everyone loves my Face, Face, Facelookie post

(Oh ho ho ho)

Gold or blue, what color's that dress?

YOLO, who cares when your hashtag is blessed?

Rickrolling, twerking, I'm not one to boast

But everyone loves my Face, Face, Facelookie post

And now I'm rolling in dough

In dough

I own one hundred percent of this social platform

Oh my God, I'm a freakin' tech genius

Foxy, cover up

But one platform wasn't enough for you hungry little hippos

Was it?

Heart, Livestream, Tweet, Resume (cha-cha-cha)

Heart, Livestream, Tweet, Resume (cha-cha-cha)

She uses her vanity to take away your sanity

May I present, Miss InstaGlam

(I may give you FOMO but my filters give you life)

I'm your favorite app 'cause I make you look good

Double-tappin' my thirst traps like I knew you would

In my Stories, on my grid, you can ogle all day

Makin' you an Insta-star, get rich the Insta-way

Do it for the glam, post to your feed

Do it for the glam, post to your Stories

Glam it (glam it)

Glam it (glam it)

I may give you FOMO, but my filters give you life

Do it for the glam

Okay, Lady Tweets, you're next

Keep it brief

I am the perfect medium for modern intellectuals

Comedians, celebrities, and the political

Even 45, the orange one, used me

To post, posts most diabolical

Is that all you've got to say?

Whatever's trending on me is not merely allegorical

But algorithms programmed through means mathematical

Hashtags and the at-symbol make this world more radical

You can go to bed happy and then wake up and you're canc-icaled

(One more time), faster

I swear to God, if you make me sing another syllable

I'll gladly come down there and I will punch you in the clavicle

I said my piece already, and frankly, I was exceptional

Now mind your own damn business, you bossy homosexual

(Oh, oh my God, oh, girl)

And now, the boss bitch herself

The Reverend Dr. Mrs. Linked-All-The-Way-In

You go, girl

(Watch me work, work, baby)

You want a side hustle? (Go)

Flex your work muscle (huh)

You wanna get hired, wanna be desired?

Upload your res, sis (hey)

Tell 'em your skills, sis (huh)

Just come to me, sis

I'm a profesh, sis

Show 'em you're the boss

For a manager at Ross

They wanna interview ya

Make 'em all pursue ya

Keep on gettin' hired

And hired and hired and hired and hired (ooh)

I'm a profesh, sis

Time to get disruptive with Miss TokTik

(Just 15 seconds to save the Earth)

Tok-tik, tok-tik, tok-tik

(Just 15 seconds to save the Earth)

Boomers, OK, this ain't for y'all

Millennials, your reign's about to fall

Gen Z is ready to play ball

We're taking over

(We're the lone stars)

Just let us be us

(This new world of sounds)

Dancing for social justice

We're the full Gen

(15 seconds to save the Earth)

Don't-play-by-the-rules Gen

(15 seconds to save the Earth)

Resetting-your-clock Gen

(15 seconds to save the Earth)

(We're the Z Gen)

What are you kids doing in there?

Ugh, Mom, leave us alone

Ladies, excuse me

I've got a bone to pick with you

And it's a big bone

I've had my account suspended by every one of you

Why?

(Um, you show too much skin)

What ever happened to sex positivity?

Free the nipple

Don't say what I can post, you know I'm stunning

All people want sex, not body shunning

So just cancel your plans to troll on my crusade

I gotta post pics, gotta flaunt my tits

Watch me do the splits, like, sis

Hey, life's online and I'm lookin' fly

And I've gotta get those likes, sis

I'm free to post and be me

Get laid, blow shade, and spill tea

My assets make you go, "Wow"

Boys see my thot shots

And pow (and pow)

Yo, Mrs. Tuckenberg, what do you think of me now?

Sorry, Foxy, but you're banned forever

(Ooh, bye-bye)

Hello, darlings, I'm Natasha, this is Nikita

But you can call us Click and Bait

Mother Russia, my cold heart is true

We'll make you so proud

Putin' a fix on the red, white, and blue

We want to ruin USA

It's easy to do in USA

Oh, so naïve in USA

This will be Putin's USA

Information laundering's fun

Photoshop pics to fool everyone

Spreading conspiracies daily

Like Democrats hate Israelis

I got a cute name, it's QAnon

These gullible tyrants will be our pawns

Pizzagate has gone viral

Now we sit back and watch it spiral

(Oo-woo-oo-ooh)

We want to ruin USA

Divide and destroy USA

We're talking clicks in USA

All fools get tricked in USA

Suddenly, the whole world is totally divided

You're not woke

Healthcare's a joke

5G's a conspiracy

Voting leads to tyranny

Holy crap, my grandma's a racist?

(Ooh girl, no ma'am, uh-huh)

Stop, you fools

It wasn't always like this

Back in my day

Back in your day?

Didn't you know?

She used to be Friendster

Google it

I just can't face it

What is it you can't face?

Let us all be Friendster

We can make it trend

Hand in hand together

Before I reach my end

Oh, she's like, dead

It's 2006 all over again

The Internet was supposed to be a modern miracle

But look at us now!

Markie, do you remember why you started Face, Face, Facelook in the first place?

To collect everybody's personal data

No, so the world could come together

Oh, right

That'll never happen

Call me an old-fashioned, thick and juicy, sex-positive dreamer

But I know we can do better

Do you see the people's posts?

Posting accurate things once again

These are the postings of a people who

Won't be duped again

It's your responsibility

To weed (yeah) out (weed out) the lies (weed out the lies)

Lies, Liza Minnelli lies