When I Was A Little Girl (Live)

This afternoon, Doctor, I heard you say

I'm healthy and cured, I can go my way

But Doctor, dear, before I go

There's one thing more you ought to know

When I was a little girl

My sister was prettier

So I strangled sister

She's not prettier now

When I was a little girl

My brother was wittier

So I smothered brother

Guess who's wittier now

Once I went rowing with my cousin Biff

Out on a lake in a flat bottomed skiff

"I can row better than you can," said Biff

Now Biff's a stiff

My teacher in grammar school

Once flunked me in history

We met on the stairway

She's historical now

When I was a little girl

My auntie was critical

I toyed with her teabag

Aunt's a widower now

Once I went climbing with my cousin John

High on a cliff roaming hither and yon

"I can climb higher than you can," said John

Oops! Poor John is gone

And that's my confessional

My psychic anatomy

And now that I've told you

My brain is awhirl

You've got all the evidence

That someday may shatter me

So I have to do again what I kept doing

When I was a little girl