Hazbin Guarantee (Trust Us)

Come on in, here's your key

Let me take your bag, wait 'til you see

The hotel, 'cause it's great

If you parked your car, we'll validate

All our guests are family

(Hey, perv, hands off the chest fluff)

That's the Hazbin guarantee

And did I mention it's free?

It's worth the price (Al, be nice)

Full of drunks (full of cunts)

Full of sticky floors covered in junk

Ha, don't mind them (no one does)

Or that hole (ugh, Cherri! What?)

You've made a great choice to save your soul

'Cause redemption is possible, I really, really hope

'Cause if it isn't, then my whole life's been a fuckin' joke

And my friend died for no reason, and I'm never gonna cope

From watching him get fucking murdered right in front of me last month

(What?) There's a bar (what the shit?)

Have a beer (I don't drink)

I just know you're gonna love it here

We can live in harmony (no, I can't make a fucking Mai Tai)

That's the Hazbin guarantee

Now repeat after me

I'm checkin' in (I'm checkin' in)

I'm seekin' guidance (I'm seekin' guidance)

Come on, everybody

For my reckonin' (for my reckonin')

I'll never turn to violence (I'll never turn to violence)

I'm checkin' in (I'm checkin' in)

I'm seekin' guidance (that place sucked ass)

Psst, hey, you

Who? Me? (That's right, baby!)

Redemption got you snoring? That scene was fucking boring

Have you considered a vocation that is more rewarding?

Because I sense a drop of star potential

With a little boost, that drip could turn torrential

Come on down to V-Tower, where we help talent flower

No tellin' how hot you could get once you're backed by our power

Let's start with a killer fit, let's get filler in those lips

Wax that gooch and pull that strip, snip, snip, snip

Ooh, all of Hell's gonna want you

In this game, no one outdoes us, no one can out-buzz us

All you gotta do is trust us (la-la-la)