My Attorney Bernie

I'm impressed

With my attorney Bernie

I'm impressed

With his influential friends

He's got very big connections

And I follow his directions

Bernie knows his way around

And so I always do what Bernie recommends

I am blessed

With my attorney Bernie

I'm impressed

With the way he runs the store

He's got Dodger season boxes

And an office full of foxes

It's amazing all the different things

Your average guy might need a lawyer for

Bernie tells me what to do

Bernie lays it on the line

Bernie says, we sue, we sue

Bernie says, we sign, we sign

I'm in touch

With my attorney Bernie

In a clutch

He can speed right to the scene

And if I'm locked up in the jail

With just one phone call for my bail

He said to call his club collect

Or deal directly with his answering machine

And when I dine

With my attorney Bernie

He buys wine

From the rare imported rack

That's 'cause Bernie is a purist

And not your polyester tourist

Bernie waves the glass around awhile

Then takes a sip and always sends it back

Bernie tells me what to do

Bernie lays it on the line

Bernie says, we sue, we sue

Bernie says, we sign, we sign

I admire

My attorney Bernie

I admire

Any guy who knows his stuff

Sure we blew a couple ventures

With a counterfeit debentures

But you win a few, you lose a few

Like Bernie says, "You keep on hanging tough"

Thanks to you

My attorney Bernie

Thanks to you

I'm considered well to do

Sure I made out like a bandit

Just exactly like you planned it

But like Murray, my accountant

Told me yesterday, I owe it all to you.

Bernie tells me what to do

Bernie lays it on the line

Bernie says, we sue, we sue

Bernie says, we sign, we sign

On the dotted line