Ain't Who I Use to Be

Four o'clock in the morning, I still ain't slept

Thoughts in my head, I just blame myself

Gave my all, I got nothing left

Everything in my fucking life causes stress

Am I blessed or cursed? I can't less the hurt

I try my best, but expect the worse

Behind every smile, my depression lurks

And you wonder why the fuck I'm obsessed with work

I'm in grind mode, looking for a high road

Looking for the peace, but my ops want my eyes closed

45 tucked on my side for survival

223's in the mags of my rifles

You don't know pain, you don't know loss

You just see the fame, you don't know what it cost

When you give away love and ya get double crossed

Then you understand the point that I'm trying to get across

Feeling so lost, lost in the game

Got tossed in the storm, I just walk in the rain

Anger built up, so I talk profane

Been through hell, now I can't turn off the flame

He knows I'm stained, but loves me still

My crazy to him is a sex appeal

Guns in the house, he knows the deal

So numb, I don't know how to feel

I ain't who I used to be

Thanks to all my enemies

Burned in the first degree

But it gave me clarity

Lord knows I've tried just to leave it alone

I ain't who I used to be

Thanks to all my enemies

Burned in the first degree

But it gave me clarity

The only peace I find is at the end of the road (the road)

My loves like a light switch, on and off

Mothafuckas never know what they might get

Let shit ride 'til I throw out a spike strip

Fight with my vice, think I might need a vice grip

Tried be nice, got ran over

Broke my heart, shit made me colder

Addicted to friends and I can't get sober

Fake friends done made me a loner

I'm losing my composure, looking for the closure

One day you love me, the next day it's over

Maybe I'm ugly, a little bipolar