Holding On (Even When I Shouldn't)

I told myself I'd calm down that I'd play it cool tonight

But here I am rehearsing every word I'd say just right

I know it's not that serious but I feel it way too much

My heart keeps holding on to every ghost of every touch

I promise I'm not drowning

Though I act like that sometimes

It's just that letting go of you

Feels bigger in my mind

I'm holding on even when I shouldn't

Even when I swore I absolutely wouldn't

Something in me trembles when you're almost out of sight

I'm holding on even when it's foolish

Call it hope or call it something ruinous

But losing you feels heavier

Than keeping me up all night

I'm holding on

Still holding on

I try to be productive get my life back into gear

But everything grows blurry when my thoughts pull you near

My friends say I'm dramatic that I'll laugh about this soon

But loving you has phases and this one's a monsoon

I know I'm being extra

But the truth is what it is

My heart keeps throwing signals

That I can't ignore in this

I'm holding on even when I shouldn't

Even when I promised that I really couldn't

Something in me shivers every time you cross my mind

I'm holding on even when it's reckless

Even when the logic of it seems defenseless

But losing what you gave me

Feels like leaving light behind

I've tried to cut the edges

Tried to fold the feelings small

But love is not a paper thing

It never stays that way at all

So if my heart's still reaching

I won't shame the way it beats

I'll honor every echo

Till the echoing retreats

I'm holding on even when I shouldn't

Even when the world says I absolutely wouldn't

Something in me rises when I think of how we were

I'm holding on even when it's tender

Even when it breaks me in a small surrender

But letting go of love like this

Still feels premature

I'm holding on

Still holding on