It Was Me

You see I used to know this kid he'd do anything for cash

Scam, rob, deal, hustle real to see them racks

Barely at his home, invested time into his trap

With no smile on his face, trying to flip another pack, bring it back

He's just only sixteen

He's trying to make it in this cold world, listen please

He's crying out for help but he can't seem to scream

And he's crying out for her, but she ain't seen

He feels at rock bottom, someone stop him

Pills popped, his body's dropping

Fucked his health, he's gotta lock in

Fucked himself from pills he's popping

Found no worth in all that loving, reconstruct, turn nothing to something

Now he's back on the road that he swore from, for long

Harmed himself but it's not no cutting

He OD'd, 14, stuck in a state of guilt and grief, no bluffing

He got stuck with the greed, trying to flip p's, but he found out that it done roughens

On a field with the shooters and fiends, he get to serving and swooping that green

He get to working, and lurking on tree

He was still smirking and shit when it toughened

Man he ain't even go to school

Cause fuck that life, he wants the trap, but the real world so cruel

He's following his signs, but the signs don't follow rules

It's fucked inside his mind, cause it fights without no fuel

And no one, listens, so he's stuck up on his own

Learnt DTB, and now no b is on his phone

Himself he can't trust, for love, so he's alone

It fucked him up bad, he adapts to his home

Would you listen, he's been feeling finished, reminiscing as his soul diminish

Reminiscing up on pictures of his soul and image

He's swallowing the pills, and hoping for a new beginning

But now he's in the ER and his head start spinning

See I can't lie he didn't like this life

He saw the game, he played, but now he's way too far inside

He saw his pain, but gains, but knew he could be facing time

And so he stayed up in his lane, he came from slanging dimes

He met a bitch and she dug him a ditch, and then she played him so well that he didn't know shit

It got deeper, he felt like he a tweaker, he opened up his mind it showed him who dug him in

He couldn't trust his eyes, no surprise, the world he loved was lies

There was something wrong he could feel it deep inside

He could feel the thought of cries, by himself in the night

Next moment, he tried to take his motherfucking life

Emergency room with doctors all around

Hearing no thoughts up in his mind beyond sound

He's full of regret, but couldn't fathom what just happened

Now he's shaking his head, he knew he had to tap in

He turned to rapping, slanging, scamming, trapping just to see some figures stacking

Writing bars, then writing cheques, then dealing with this pack he's packing

So much cash what happened, now he's not slacking, he just loved this game like Madden

It's not news, he been true, he got passion, look what that heartbreak just did, imagine

Now listen up, let me tell you sum'

He had his 2 roads right ahead and chose the wrong one

He had 2 personalities and they just broke up

It's so tough that his happy one ain't woke up

Fuck, stuck shoulders deep into the mud

Litres pouring up with a red solo cup or some bud

Chop chop, rip, whizz it up

All the problems leave his mind, no surprise, he's got a buzz

Took LSD and Psilocybin, now he's got his vision

Way too much tripping for his young brain cause now he's wigging

He sees the real world and he knows don't want be up in it

He knows his time is coming, knows this shit about to finish

Woah, make the time slow, please

He just wants some time up on his own, peace

He need to be worried about himself not police

How do I know this shit? Bitch you know it's me

Sixteen, I'm still coping with nothing but broken emotions

Hoping my brain awoken from feelings, I feel them frozen

My livings been in erosion, I'm feeling the feelings, floating

I'm dealing with healing, no pills but feeling on the ceiling, no oxytocin

Every time I forgive I begin reliving

Then spin back to the beginning of wishing that we ain't spoken

So I'm sitting in feelings, my mind I'm feeling it slipping, my time is here and it's itching

Why was I the one she'd chosen?

I know I fucked my life, I'll turn it around

I know my fucked my mind, from burning on an ounce

I know that she's not mine, I'm hurting in amounts

That I can't even comprehend, they're numbers that I can't count

Been living day to day, in a daze with all this doubt

And all my mates are snakes and they're fake so fuck I'm out

I'm living for my pay cause my mates just fuck me 'round

And I get out of her way as soon as loves announced

Man when I OD'd

Heard nothing but my mum screaming "no please"

I took a step back felt the slow breeze

Now I have flashbacks, fuck it broke me slowly

I wont ever heal, that's not low key

And you'd definitely know it if you had ever known me

And they don't even care I'm about to take my life, they're phoney

And I can't trust even myself that's why I've been so lonely

I can't think (aye)

My mind sinks (oi)

I can't blink (can't blink)

I just drink (ugh)

I can't think (can't think)

My mind sinks (aye)

I can't blink (can't blink)

I just drink while I think (ugh)

2 years later I'm stuck in the loop of life

Trying to find a girl who love me, wrong they do me every time

Puts me in my mind without attention, I can't survive

So I'm always healing hearts, never attentive to mine

I'm still waiting patient 'til my placement in the sky

But never paying no payment to Satan, he'll get denied

Sick of playing and breaking my bank when it's blatant they lie

Frustration got me saying my statements on pages and rhymes

Hi, your hearing a youngin who wants to die

I can't speak my mind cause men aren't meant to feel feels or cry

Trying to give them signs, but they ignore them and pass them by

It's a matter of time before I have my last high, goodbye

Before I go, here's my thirteenth reason

Here's the reason that I burn until I'm wheezing

They leave me and then they come back another season

When I'm up they taking my heart, 'til I stop breathing

Now Imma rap and spit this shit acapella

You see I lived my life all happy, just another average fella

'Til I found the cold world and stumbled across that dilemma

Now that happy boy that was once inside couldn't be deader

I'd be better if I just forget her, never wronged, never upset her

Still never left her from pressure of us together, said it's forever

But never endeavoured into a check up of the mental health

And error I entered when I done met her

But I just wanna help you all that's why I wrote this, spoke this

Please don't kill yourself cause life ain't hopeless

Your noticed, it ain't a joke kid, don't lose your focus

I know it's hard, but your not alone and I just showed it