Текст пісні
I remember my first character
With some affection
A bar-fighting barbarian
He'd no discretion
In a brawl he could throw your paladin
In any direction
And I was feeling pretty good
About his progression
Until I met
The goblin with the stick
The goblin was quite gobby
And got right in my face
He called me unprofessional
Which wasn't the case
I unlimbered my broadsword
To put him in his place
I won initiative
And swung with natural grace
And then I rolled a one
And broke my leg
Ee-ee-ee-ee-evil dice
I've got ee-ee-ee-ee-evil dice
They like to kill my characters
It's not very nice
There's no way I can fight them
They can always devise
Some way to turn the tables
And throw a surprise disaster
Into the face of victory
So then I tried a half-elven assassin
Of slender blades and vials of poison
A fast one
With at dealing death
And not averse to passing
Witty remarks over a body
She'd been recently outclassing
And then she tried
To sneak out past the guards
I was making checks
For hiding and stuff
She was smirking at her shadow
Couldn't help herself
And then I rolled a one
And brushed up slightly 'gainst a shelf
Of armor that went crashing on the floor
And by itself
A helmet went bouncing down the stairs
Clang, clang, clatter, bash
Sad!
Ee-ee-ee-ee-evil dice
I've got ee-ee-ee-ee-evil dice
They like to kill my characters
It's not very nice
There's no way I can fight them
They can always devise
Some way to turn the tables
And throw a surprise disaster
Into the face of victory
And then I thought I'd dabble in the arcane
Gather some eldritch power
And go insane
Made a necromancer
Used the power of his brain
And summoned shambling things
That shouldn't come into this plane
I made him cruel and austere
He'd treat the living with disdain
So when we came to our climactic fight
I was nowhere near the front
It was a delight
To be sending zombies down the room
To flank them on the right
When I threw a one
But only stumbled slightly
Threw a one again
Trod on my robe and sprawled
Into my own magic circle
Ee-ee-ee-ee-evil dice
I've got ee-ee-ee-ee-evil dice
They like to kill my characters
It's not very nice
There's no way I can fight them
They can always devise
Some way to turn the tables
And throw a surprise disaster
Into the face of victory
Ee-ee-ee-ee-evil dice
I've got ee-ee-ee-ee-evil dice
They like to kill my characters
It's not very nice
There's no way I can fight them
They can always devise
Some way to turn the tables
And throw a surprise disaster
Into the face of victory
The evil dice