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Wish it was as simple as ripping a bandaid off
N just starting from scratch
But if you rip it off too soon you can scar up the scratch
Always thought to build up to the top just go hard as the hats
Now I must rebuild up from a point so much larger than that
I had a blueprint to make it big and help everyone out
Grew up in a place I ain't fit in just surrounded by doubts
Only had a few who could believe, rest i'm drowning them out
Had to learn to speak up hard to hear when surrounded by sound
Laying up with demons in my brain
N god guarding me
I know when it's said and done the bouncer won't be carding me
At the heavens gates
Long nights awake
From dirt I couldn't clean
You reap what you sow but even then ain't always what it seams
Things ain't always linear
Faith been getting fatter while my dreams been getting skinnier
Dreams been on a diet
Monitors been beeping all I'm seeking is some quiet
All from chasing dreams don't know if I'd suggest you'd try it
I got the girl of my dreams sitting beside me having nightmares
Waking up with sweats can't feel a thing
but she still right there
Every now and then the blinds will open
catch a slight glare
Fighting all these thoughts
but negativity don't fight fair
Just tryna stay upbeat
People looking at me feeling sorry
I just want sleep
Only time I forget what I'm going through
Tryna tell myself to just be water and keep flowing through
Grow through what you go through can't believe this what I'm going through
Laying up just losing breathe when tryna talk to family
Hands were barely working dropping everything they hand me
Praying everyday without a clue of what the plan will be
I wanna stand for something but I need someone to stand for me
Really feeling useless
Everyone just praying-people crying for me
It gets to a point just like a toothpick
I look in a mirror all I'm seeing is a nuisance
If I come back I gotta go harder gotta be ruthless
Can you stand the rain
What if you can't even stand
Can you stand the pain
What if you can't even feel
Can you fight forever
How long is forever truly
Can you create a movement
When your body isn't moving
Are the prayers really working
Is god hearing you
Winning was fun but at this point ain't nothing left to lose
They say a rich man wants a million things
A sick person wants one
That's there health
Now I know that health is wealth