Talkin' Second Comin' Blues

Went to service yesterday

Then out to eat right after

Dressed ourselves in fine pastels

And shared some joyous laughter

Server didn't get a tip

Cuz she looked like a man

She eyed my AR crucifix

And whispered "God is Trans"

And I nearly lost it

My brunch

Recovered from that travesty

And I drove back alone

I had to hide the Easter eggs

Before the kids got home

And I knew the lord was with me

As I made my way back

Cuz I narrowly avoided

A homeless man's attack

Almost got me up at the red light

I put my window up

Saw some illegal aliens

Just down the street from us

Looked like they'd all just been dropped off

By the struggle bus

And I did what any christian would do

And got on the phone with ICE

Reported that whole family

Call that my sacrifice

No it ain't easy work

But at least it's honest

I pulled into my driveway

And much to my surprise

Ms. Ruthie May who lives next door

Put up a new yard sign

It says in this house she believes

Blah blah blah blah blah

I've always hated that old hag

And her homemade coleslaw

She's always trying to feed us that crap

Thinks we're poors

Flipped my television on

And there my hero stood

I clapped my hands and messed my jeans

And shouted God is good

The camera panned to my dismay

Away from JD Vance

There sat the true embodiment

Of Satan's evil plans

Yep, you guessed it -

The Pope

Confused and saddened as I was

I trusted my VP

Assuming God had sent him there

To slay the evil beast

By golly was I ever right

Next morning the news broke

Our leader dealt a fatal blow

To all the world's woke

Thank God

Woke Pope Is Dead

Yeah we danced and cried in revelry

For evil is being defeated

By the hand of God oh yes

Just like Marjorie tweeted

The prophecy will be fulfilled

Before our very eyes

And Jesus Christ he will return

To crush all the bad guys

And I'll probably mess my jeans again if I'm honest

Second Comin