I Own This Bar

You say you got them boots in Paris

And you're cousins with George Jones

And drinkin' is against your religion

But that wine is just an act of "When in Rome"

You say you're savin' yourself for marriage

And your daddy, he's a movie star

Well, I'm Billy Graham

Honey, I own this bar

Talkin' lock, stock, and barrel

A hardwood floor under neon lights

Girl, if we ain't careful, we could go to Hell for lyin'

You swear you've never been here

Ain't never heard no steel guitar

Well, I'm George Strait

And honey, I own this bar, ah

They say tonight it's your birthday

You just turned 22

You were supposed to be hangin' with Beyoncé

But she came down with the doggum flu

Said you were born and raised in the city

But you're a real cowgirl at heart

Well, I'm John Wayne

And honey, I own this bar

Talkin' lock, stock, and barrel

Hardwood floor under neon lights

Girl, if we ain't careful, we could go to Hell for lyin'

And you swear you've never been here

That Maserati out back is your car

Well, I'm Dale Earnhardt

And honey, I own this bar

We ain't ever gonna get together

'Cause you can't BS a BS'er

You know it's all in good fun, ain't no damage done

We're just two honky-tonk birds of a feather, ah

Now you say you're so mad

'Cause you can't pay your tab

Somebody stole your credit card

Drinks are on me, I'm Braxton Keith

Honey, I own this bar

You want another one?