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Yesterday, John Dean informed Mrs. Agnew that there was a
Cancer on the presidency. Heartbroken and confused, Judy
Decided not to tell her husband, hoping against hope that the
President could raise the one million dollars needed for a cure
Spicky, why are you home so early today?
Judy, I have something to tell you
Spicky, what is it?
My vibrant veepitude has become vitiated
What?
I've been torpedoed by a tattletale trio of tax-tallying termagants
What?
I've been forced to forswear my fertile fief and confess to a foolscap
Of fiscal felonies by a phalange of fee-fie-foe-fumming feds
What?
Horrible happenstance has hustled in a hundred million
More heartbeats between yours truly and his nibs
What?
I've said "sayonara" to my secondary satrapy. I've
Trilled "ta-ta" to the torrid two-spot. My
Penultimate proximity to the presidency has gone poof
What?
In a nutshell, I've entered a nolo to numerous no-
No's. It's R.I.P. and P.D.Q. for the V.P. The I
R.S. found out I was getting I.O.U.'s on the Q.T.
What?
They caught me with my hand on the till. I'm out on my ass
You mean... you mean we don't have to sit through any more of
Dick's screenings of Patton? Or go to another of Pat's catsup
Roasts? Or play puff-pool with David Eisenhower ever again?
Why... why no, Judy, we won't
Or play capture the flag at Camp David? Or listen to Ribalto's
Story of how he caught the fifty-pound tuna with a Bic
Pen and a shoelace? Or let Henry Kissinger beat us at Risk?
I... hadn't thought of that. Judy, where are you going?
I'm going out to get a case of Cher-Pill and twenty pounds of
Cheese dip. Whoopee! This calls for a celebration. Pappy
Hayes is here again. The guys have shoes and beer again
Let's wash our clothes in cheer again. Pappy Hayes is here again!