Santa Drives An Astrovan

Reindeer smoking cigarettes on rooftops

In fishnets in the morning

With the moon still glowing

And here comes Santa in an Astrovan

Rolling down Broad and Pattison

He's stoned while Jerry plays

He said, "Life ain't ever what it seems

These dreams are more than paper things

And it's alright, mama, you're afraid

I'll be poor along the way

But I don't wanna see those tears again

You know, Santa drives an Astrovan"

Yes, he does

He said, "Ooh"

And in my heart there's a hole that grows

From all the ones I miss the most

Some of the best ones ain't comin' down

So if I love under the mistletoe

Reaching out for the great unknown

Every reindeer has the illusions

Life ain't ever what it seems

These dreams are more than paper things

And it's alright, mama, you're afraid

I'll be there along the way

And I don't wanna see those tears again

You know Santa drives an Astrovan

Yes, he does

I say, "Whoo"

Ho, ho, ho, ho

Ooh

Ooh

Ooh

Ooh

When I see those reindeer on the roof

I'll know I've made it

When my doobie smoking Santa

Puts my name up on his "Nice List"

He said, "Son, you're famous in Philly

You'll always be famous in Philly"

And you know you'll always be winnin'

When you're comin' home for Christmas

And I don't wanna see those tears again

You know Santa drives an Astrovan

And I don't wanna see those tears again

You know Santa drives an Astrovan