The Common Cold (The Epidemic)

I am a hacking cough

That tickle in your throat

In an unmade bed in Mexico

You will catch my cough, you will catch my cold

Hey, hey, no one needs to know

Just put it in your mouth

No snail trails have blackened

It's like it never happened

I won't be a henpeck

I'll infect it

I've done so many bad things

I never seem to get clean

No pecking order please

I've done too many bad things

Come get it help yourself

Come see it for yourself

We're raising glasses high, dirty as all hell

In sickness and health, in sickness and health

So would you drink after me?

I've been a good boy, I'm squeaky clean

A pretty please in the motel, the snails without shells

In sickness and health, in sickness and health

So don't be so alarmed

You're being harvested and farmed

Every time I continue to breathe

You wipe your nose on my sleeve

Every time I don't drive off a cliff

Every time I don't chop off my lips

I've been taken to swallowing pennies

For the apocalypse that's surely coming

Come get it, help yourself

Come see it for yourself

We're shaking rubber gloves up to the shelves in hell

In sickness and health, in sickness and health

So would you sleep where I sleep?

In with the bed bugs and bad beliefs

I don't mean to make it seem

Like we're salmon upstream

But are you afraid, are you afraid of me?