How Did You Get so Ugly

Well, me and my buddies went drinking last night

At a bar right down the road

Well, I met a sweet thing, and I talked a mean game

And she told me I could take her home

She was the best-looking thing that I've ever seen

But I don't know what went wrong

'Cause I brought home a Barbie doll

But I woke up next to King Kong

And I said, "How did you get so ugly, bitch?

You look like a bulldog's crack

You look like somebody set your face on fire

And then put it out with an axe

You must have made an ugly face, and it got stuck

And then rolled of the back of the ugly truck

You must have fell out of the ugly tree

And broke every branch you hit

How in the hell did you get so ugly, bitch

'Cause you sure look just like shit?"

Well, all I could say was, "Get away"

What in the hell was I supposed to do?

I said, "Look, you gotta go 'cause ain't nobody know

I had a grizzly looking bitch like you"

So take my advice, she might be a nice

Looking hot cooking honky-tonk queen

But you better pick her up before you get drunk

'Cause if you're fucked up, you're gonna wake up

In the morning with a wolverine

And you'll say, "How did you get so ugly, bitch?

You look like a bulldog's crack

You look like somebody set your face on fire

And then put it out with an axe

Do I think you're pretty? Fuck nope

You're ugly as a hunk of fucking homemade soap

Looking like a crocodile with your trash pile smile

And your wooly, booger-hairy armpits

How in the hell did you get so ugly, bitch?

From a beauty to a beast in a flick of a switch

I'll bet you were born in a banjo ditch

Yeah, how did you get so ugly, bitch?

'Cause you sure look just like shit"