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Marry Well
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Forgive me, ladies, but we live in perilous times
If you want to anchor yourself in a uncertain world
You have only one recourse
With your eye on the ball and your feet on the fairway
Hit it high, little girls, marry well!
Fore!
Every point under par is a leg up the stairway to the sky
Little girls, marry well
Find a staunch young patrician
Republican!
With the blood and the brains to excel!
Like the fine strapping lad your late grandmama had
Meaning I, little girls, marry well
Ridiculous woman, my daughter Edith
Flying in the face of every good solid value I ever tried to instill in her
God knows I've tried to teach her
Teach all of my brood-
The hallmark of aristocracy is responsibility
Edie, oh ho ho, the last hope of the great Bouvier clan
Oh, honestly!
But Major Bouvier, the time!
Oh alright, alright, I'm coming
Company, fall in! Ten hut!
Chair the ball for the blind
Treat your church to a steeple
When in doubt, little girls, marry well!
Bail the Met out of debt
Leave your art to the people
And the crowd will fall under your spell!
But an unmarried lassie who's fast and loose
Is a moose in a herd of gazelle!
Pow!
Don't be picked off the pack
With your head on a plaque!
Do me proud, little girls
Marry well
It's your future that counts
They say greatness always skips a generation
Well, now it's up to you to burnish the family crest
Take a good look at it, children
And remember -
This crest of our French royal provenance
It took a while for it
We paid a pile for it
So don't end up spinsters and dilettantes!
The name Bouvier will surpass all others
All of your uncles, dads (Oh!)
And mothers
Picture Lee in Milan with a prince and a villa