Throwing Heat

Still, there's different levels of hot, you know. I was in Tampa

Florida, that's a thick hot. Like, it's deceptive, 'cause you look

Outside and you're like, oh, I could walk through Burger King. And I

Can't walk through fucking Burger King. I came back with a Whopper

And a fucking yeast infection. I'm a little moist right now. I should

Probably call my mom about this shit, 'cause I don't feel all that

Fresh. But sometimes I get to do cool shit when I travel. Like, last

Time I was in Tampa, I got to throw out the first pitch at a Tampa

Bay Rays game. I fucking blew it. It's my second time throwing out a

First pitch. I don't know what it is, but it's a ball. I'm a dude

Fuck. 'Cause the first time I did it was in Cleveland, and it was an

Indians game, and I was so scared of short arming it, I threw it over

Everybody's head. I bombed it. The catcher and the mascot just stood

There. I'm like, one of you fuckers could have dove, really. I mean

My family's watching, make a play. Everybody booed me and shit. But

When I was in Tampa, I was like, fuck it, I'm throwing heat. Like

I still kid myself at this age, like I'm gonna throw such a good

Fastball the manager's gonna be like, you wanna go a few innings?

I feel good, skip, let's fucking do it. Yeah, I got up to the mound

And I'm like, fuck, that's far. This shit ain't regulation. Is

There a ladies tee I can go from? This is bullshit. But I talked

Shit before I went out there, I was telling the catcher, I'm like

You better get your hand ready, this is gonna fucking hurt. So I

Get out to the mound and he's all the way there. So I'm committed

To throwing a fastball, I wind up, I'm like, nyah. And the whole

Stadium heard, nyah. 'Cause it's pretty quiet at that point, you

Know what I mean? So they knew I tried. I wasn't getting away with

That shit. Fucking one hopped it. Right before the second hop. And

There's that moment, it sets in where you're like, a lot of people

Fucking saw that shit. And the thing is, I was ready for them to boo

Me. Like, I was prepared emotionally to get booed. But no, not in

Tampa, they had to be fucking supportive. They clapped. It made me

Feel worse. They took a minute, like, like I was there from fucking

Make A Wish or some shit. Come on, that's a good throw for a sick

Little girl, give it up for her

Fuck you guys, I don't need this shit